Parents With Substance Abuse Problems

When most of us think of substance abuse, we generally think of it in terms of helping parents deal with their children's use. But what happens when it's the parent who is abusing alcohol or drugs? For teenagers with parents or caregivers who have alcohol and drug addictions, holidays may not be as enjoyable as those in families where there is no substance abuse. The truth is, in most families where there is substance abuse present, most holidays can be more miserable and unbearable than any average day. Even though it is the parent who drinks or uses drugs, an impact is felt on the entire family. Substance abuse is not just an individual problem; it is a family problem. Sometimes it's hard to tell if a parent has a problem with alcohol or drugs. Below are a list of questions to help you identify whether your parent or caregiver might have a problem.

• Worry-Are you concerned that your parent might be using too much?
• Money-Are there financial problems because of poor money management?
• Lies-Do you find yourself lying to other relatives or friends to cover up for a parent's addiction?
• Broken Promises-Are planned occasions always cancelled or become jumbled at the last minute?
• Fear-Are you afraid to upset them because you think it might make them drink or do drugs? Have you considered calling for help in fear of abuse?
• Humiliation-Have you been embarrassed or hurt by their behavior? Are you too ashamed to tell your friends what goes on in your home life so you pretend like nothing is wrong?
• Threats-Have you acted out or threatened to hurt yourself to try and scare your parent or caregiver into not drinking or using drugs?
• High Emotions-Do you feel angry, confused, or depressed most of the time?
• Guilt-Do you think that if your parent or caregiver loved you, he or she would stop drinking or using drugs?
• Isolation-Do you think that you are alone or that no one else understands your problems or what you are going through?

If you've answered yes to all or most of these questions, chances are your parent or caregiver has an addiction problem. If a parent or caregiver that you live with has an alcohol and/or drug addiction, it is important to know how to cope in such a situation.

Coping Skills

Don't feel guilty or ashamed about the problem at home. You are not the one that caused the problem and it isn't your fault that your parent or caregiver has a problem. It's not your fault! Have patience and take things one day at a time. Alcoholism and drug addiction generally takes a long time to develop, and recovery does not occur overnight. Try to understand setbacks and relapses.

Don't use highly emotional appeals to make the person stop. That may only increase feelings of guilt and the compulsion to drink or use. Try to get them interested in new activities and participate in leisure time activities that they enjoy, like a hobby. NEVER get in the car with them if they've been drinking or doing drugs.

Don't try to convince your parent or caregiver to stop drinking or using drugs when he or she is under the influence. If they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs, they're not thinking clearly and they may not remember the conversation after the effects of the alcohol or drugs have worn off. Remember that the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing are normal. It's normal to hate the addiction that makes your parent or caregiver behave differently but still love the person. Confusion is a normal reaction to growing up in a family with a substance abuser.

Don't try to punish, threaten, bribe, or preach to them; this may only isolate them even more. Get involved in clubs, sports, or activities at school such as youth and hobby clubs. Just because your caregiver or parent has a problem doesn't mean you should forget how to have fun. The other activities can make you forget about problems at home and help make you feel better about yourself.

Don't water down or pour out your parent's alcohol or hide drugs. You cannot control your parent's drinking or drug use. You did not create the problem and you can't make it stop. It is your parent's or caregiver's responsibility to get help. Go to a support group if there is one in your area. Meeting other teens who understand what you are going through will help. A support group will give you a chance to talk about your feelings in the open and listen to other teens' stories who have gone through similar situations.

Don't cover up or make excuses for them or try to shield them from the realistic consequences of their behavior. This can include lying to other people about what's really going on at home or giving other people reasons your parent is acting so undependable. If your parent or caregiver threatens or hurts you, either when messed up or when straight, tell another adult immediately! You might not want them to get in trouble or tell other people about what's going on, but when people drink and do drugs, their behavior becomes very unpredictable, and there's no telling what they might do next. They might even hurt themselves. Talk about what's going on at home with an adult you trust-a relative, teacher, or school counselor. All of these people will be able to help you and you will feel better once you get it off your chest. If you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, there are several hotlines that take calls from teens just like you.

Remember…YOU ARE NOT ALONE! In 1996, 1,353,769 teens had a parent or caregiver who was dependent on alcohol and/or illegal drugs. Also, 1,560,992 teens had a parent or caregiver who was in need of alcohol or drug treatment. So although you may feel angry and alone, remember, there are over a million other teens out there just like you.

Resources

If you are a teen with a parent or caregiver who uses alcohol and/or drugs and you feel alone or depressed or just need to talk to someone, below are a list of numbers and Web sites just for you. The hotlines are for teens who need people to talk to who understand their situation. Many of the hotlines also have nationwide referral services to help you and are on call 24 hours a day. The people on the other end of the phone are specially trained for these types of situations. It just might make your day a little easier and help you feel better. Go ahead and give them a try.

Child Help USA Hotline
1-800-422-4453

National Runaway Switchboard and Suicide Hotline
(Not just for teens who have run away or are contemplating
suicide)
1-800-621-4000

Crisis Hotline
1-800-999-9999

National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-448-4663

National Association for Children of Alcoholics
1-888-554-2621

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