EXPRESS YOURSELF! A Teenager's Guide To Fitting In, Getting Involved,
And Finding Yourself!
If you're a teenager, or about to become one, you have a
lot to look forward to. Maybe more than at any other time of life, your
world is wide open and the possibilities are endless. Of course, just
as in other times of life, you will have both bad and good experiences.
The ideas included here can help you learn to deal with the tough times
and enjoy the good times by finding the people and places that are right
for you. You might find these ideas useful in your everyday life. Or read
them to see if they might be helpful to a friend.
Freedom, and Responsibility Too
The teenage years are full of change. You might get a job to earn money
of your own. You may get a driver's license and graduate from high school.
You also might begin...
- Questioning more of what you hear
- Learning the skills you'll need to pursue a job or a career
- Spending more time with your friends and others outside your family
- Hearing from teachers, parents, and other adults about taking more
responsibility
Those changes don't mean that your teenage years have to be harder than
others. In fact, this can be the time when you get what you need to have
fun and be happy now and in the future.
- Obviously, what you go through will depend on...
Whether or not the adults responsible for you are loving and supportive
- Whether or not the neighborhood you live in offers you many opportunities
- Whether or not you feel close to people your age, and are connected
with your school and community
That means everyone's experience is different. But no matter what your
experience, you still can figure out how to be happy. One thing that most
people find satisfying is figuring out what they do well. Deciding what
you do well often is a matter of knowing what you like to do. Most people
like to do what they are good at. So, think about what you enjoy. Then
try asking people how you might get involved in those activities. You
might talk to your parents, other relatives, friends, and neighbors. Check
with people at your school like a teacher, a guidance counselor, or the
school librarian. Or, if school is not the most comfortable place for
you, get help at the public library. Look on the Internet. Or check the
newspaper.
Get connected.
Better yet, get involved in a youth organization. Youth agencies exist
across the country. Their mission is to support young people and link
them with activities they're interested in. Wherever you are, one of these
organizations usually is close by. Youth organizations have all kinds
of programs. Some offer activities. Others can give you support when you
have a problem or are in trouble. Or they can be helpful when you just
need someone to talk to.
Youth agencies like drug-free youth groups, Boys and Girls Clubs, 4-H
Clubs, and the YMCA can help you find...
- Recreational activities
- Volunteer opportunities
- Other people who share your interests
To learn more about youth agencies in your area, call them. Check the
Yellow Pages. Look under "Youth Organizations," "Youth
Centers," or "Teen-age Activities." Contact the national
offices of youth agencies to find their local organization.
The best youth organization for you has people you feel comfortable with.
One of the bonuses of being involved in a youth club or program is meeting
all kinds of people. Some agencies even have "mentoring programs."
These link you with someone your age or an adult. You can discuss ideas
with that person and learn about new ways to deal with everyday problems.
Or you can try out new activities together.
In fact, getting to know people is often what makes life fun and interesting.
And the best people to have around are those who do care about you. They
can be helpful when you feel pressure to do things that you don't want
to do. They can offer advice on how to be yourself and still fit in.
Below are signs that a person does care about you, and questions to help
you identify those signs. Think about how real friends treat you...
They're interested in your well-being, not in something that you might
give them or do for them.
- Do they value your health and safety (including never asking you to
do something that puts you in danger or is illegal)?
- Do they suggest that you do things that help you, not them?
- Do other people you respect and trust also trust this person?
They listen: they care about what you have to say.
- Are they paying attention to you when you talk to them?
- Do they ask questions when they don't understand something you tell
them?
- Do they make sure they understand your situation before they offer
advice?
They're interested in your success, and are happy for you when things
go well.
- Do they praise you when something good happens or you've done something
well?
- Do they ask about your goals and interests?
They say they're sorry when they make a mistake.
- Do they admit when they are wrong (just as you or anyone else should
be able to do)?
They don't expect you to be perfect.
- Would you feel comfortable telling them when you've made a mistake
and need help knowing what to do next?
- Do they help you recognize and work through mistakes? (Or do they
use words that make you feel ashamed or worthless?)
- Do you have a feeling that no matter what happens, they will look
out for your well-being (since everyone makes mistakes)?
When they give you guidance, they do so in a way that shows they care.
- Does this person make you feel encouraged and motivated?
- When they are talking or asking about a mistake you made, do you still
feel that they are trying to help you?
- Do they make you feel comfortable (including never physically or emotionally
hurting you)?
They let you think things through on your own when you want to and respect
your privacy.
- Do they accept that sometimes you might prefer to think through a
problem or situation on your own? (Most people do sometimes.)
- Do they keep things you say private when you ask them to? Keep in
mind, though, that a person you confide in may not have a choice about
whether to keep something you tell them private. They may be required
under the law to report a problem to authorities if what you tell them
involves a legal issue. So if you go to someone for assistance, you
might want to ask them about whether they can keep a problem to themselves.
They may say that they will report legal issues to someone else. If
so, ask them how they have handled situations like this in the past.
Ask what happened to the teenagers involved. And talk with them about
your choices before you tell them your story.
So, ask questions and trust your feelings.
Sometimes you may still feel unsure about whether you trust someone.
If so, follow your instinct. And talk to someone else. Explain why you
feel uncertain. That is one of the best things about having a circle of
people to turn to: they can help you think through the doubts all of us
have sometimes. Of course, nobody's perfect. Most people don't always
do all the right things. Just remember that people who say they care about
you prove that by their actions over a period of time.
People who you trust can help you make the best of all
that life has to offer.
There isn't any magical answer that will always make life easy. For all
of us, there are both hard times and good times. But having a network
of friends, supportive adults, and people to talk to at a youth service
organization can help. They'll be there for both the unexpected difficulties
and life's good surprises. And below are some ideas to think about no
matter how things are going for you.
Believe in yourself.
You can't compare yourself to others.
Don't let a negative response stop your positive effort.
Remember the 4 E's:
Expect a lot of yourself.
Everyone has strengths and limitations.
Everybody needs help sometimes.
Express yourself: your ideas and feelings matter.
Enjoy the good times, learn from the difficult ones, and get help when
you need it. If you do, you may find that life has great things to offer.
YOU ARE UNIQUE!!
Reference: "EXPRESS YOURSELF!! A Teenager's Guide to......Fitting
in, Getting involved, Finding yourself," produced for the Family
and Youth Services Bureau by Johnson, Bassin and Shaw, Inc., under a contract
from the Administration on Children, Youth and Families; Administration
for Children and Families; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services,
to manage the National Clearinghouse on Families & Youth, U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families,
Family and Youth Services Bureau.
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